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What Do I Do Now That My
Girlfriend Is Pregnant?

What Are Your Feelings About The Pregnancy?

Shock? Disbelief? Denial? Fear? Anger? My future is ruined? I’m too young? I just want to escape?

Or maybe you and your girlfriend planned this, and your feelings are:

Happy? Excited? A little scared? Concerned about telling your parents?

Whatever your initial feelings are, hearing the news that you have created your first child is bound to result in some powerful emotions. But if you think your emotions are going crazy, just stop and think about what your girlfriend feels – the same things!

So, before either of you panics, gets angry, or lays blame, just remember that it took both of you to create this pregnancy, and now you both need to stop and think clearly about what happens next.

Here are some dos and don’ts to help you get started:


  1. Stay calm.
  2. Start to talk about and research all of your options together.
  3. Support your girlfriend emotionally.
  4. Pull together; don’t pull apart.
  5. Let her know you’ll work this out together.


  1. Get angry.
  2. Shout at your girlfriend.
  3. Say things like: “It’s not mine!” “You’ve ruined my life!” “My parents will kill me!” “You’ll have to get an abortion!” “It’s your decision, not mine.”
  4. Pressure her to have an abortion.

Abortion – Isn’t that the easy way out? Won’t it just make it all go away?

Get the facts before you act. Abortion is severe and permanent, so get the facts first. Check out the abortion section of – know what abortion is and understand the potential complications for both of you.


  • They’ll be furious!
  • I have to finish school!
  • They have such high hopes for me!
  • They’ll be so disappointed!
  • Her parents will kill me!

So, before you think about your parents, think for yourselves. Get the facts and have a plan. They will feel the same emotions you did when they first heard your girlfriend is pregnant, but no parents ever killed their teenagers because of a pregnancy. And if you get your act together and present a united rational picture, it will be much less traumatic for them and you. Bear in mind that many parents have a very adverse first reaction, which does an extensive 180 degrees after it settles in that this is their grandchild you’ve created!

So what’s next?

Well, you’re not the first guy this has happened to. One in every seven sexually active teen males has made a partner pregnant, and there’s lots of help available. So here are some starters:

  1. In this section, you can check out Pregnancy Month by Month to see what this pregnancy means physically and genetically.
  2. You can read the stories in this section about other teens who Parented, chose Adoption, or Aborted.
  3. You can go to the Abortion and Adoption pages to learn about those two options.
  4. Finally, it’s time to talk to people who can help you evaluate your situation. There’s an organization called Optionline, which has helped thousands of pregnant girls and their boyfriends. Their help is always free and confidential; they are available 24/7 and have local centers nationwide. You can call them at 1-800-712-HELP or click on the Optionline link on this page. They can even help with your parents.

And since situations differ, they can help you look specifically at your own.

  1. Maybe you and your girlfriend have been together for a long time and talked about marriage in the future.
  2. Maybe you’ve been together only a short time and are young.
  3. Maybe you had broken up with your girlfriend before discovering she was pregnant.
  4. Or maybe you barely know each other, and this was just a one-time thing.

There are different solutions for different situations, and it’s important to talk them through before you come to any decision because ANY decision you make from this point on will be life-altering.

So let Optionline be your safety net when you’re ready to talk about your options and get the help you need if your girlfriend is pregnant.

I’m Going to Be a Dad!

  1. You’re not ready!
  2. You’re too young!
  3. You need to finish school!
  4. You’re scared!
  5. Your girlfriend’s parents will hate you!
  6. You have no money/job!
  7. You and your girlfriend aren’t “together” anymore!

Despite all this, your girlfriend (or ex-girlfriend) is pregnant and will have a baby, so you’ll still be a father.

Now let’s look at the answers to these problems:

  1. No new father is really “ready.” It’s a new and unique experience that can’t be learned from a book.
  2. You’re young, but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn and “grow up” to be a good dad.
  3. Absolutely! You need to finish school. Staying in school is critical to providing for your child in the future.
  4. Being scared goes away as you get used to being a father and getting to know your son or daughter.
  5. Sometimes, young dads are “blamed” for their girlfriends becoming pregnant by the girl’s parents. However, if you talk to them rationally and prove to your girlfriend that you want to support her and be a part of your child’s life, they will likely come around.
  6. You’re not expected to have money and a job when you’re young and trying to get your education. Although you can’t provide financial support now, you’ll be able to do so in the future by staying in school.
  7. Whether you’re “together” with your girlfriend anymore or not, she is still the mother of your son or daughter and always will be, so you still need to have a friendly relationship with her for the sake of your child.

So, what are your parenting options if your girlfriend is pregnant?

  1. You could marry the mother and raise your child together. If you love each other, have been together for a while, and are old enough, this option can be viable.
  2. You could help to parent the child as a single parent. If you love each other (or not), are young, and are still in school, there are ways to make this work to everyone’s advantage. But you must maintain your support of the mother and be a regular presence in your son or daughter’s life. And remember, you have a legal right to know your child and participate in their life.
  3. You could place the baby for adoption. You can read all about the advantages of “open” adoptions in the Adoption section of It’s a way for both you and the mother to finish growing up yourselves while still knowing your child as birth parents and also knowing that they are being loved and cared for.
  4. You could abandon your child and the mother. This is generally called a “deadbeat dad.” It’s not an honorable title or choice, but it is how some dads have chosen to “father” their children. It’s harmful to both mother and child and certainly isn’t something to be proud of later in life. If your girlfriend is pregnant, it is best to help her through the whole pregnancy.

So, what are the best steps to take immediately to be a good dad?

  1. Get involved with your child before birth. That’s right. Begin to learn about your child throughout the pregnancy. If you go to the “Pregnancy Month to Month” pages in this section, you’ll see they can hear your voice while still in the womb! Studies have shown that a baby can even recognize the parents’ voices if heard frequently after birth! You can also learn about the genetic traits they have already received from you and recognize them after birth. These are not just physical features (like he’s got your eyes). It’s also a personality trait (he acts just like his father when he…). Also, go to parenting classes together to learn baby care basics and talk with other soon-to-be fathers.
  2. After birth, don’t be afraid to touch, hold, talk to, feed, dress, and – yes – change your child from the beginning. In no time, it will become second nature, and his mom would appreciate your involvement.
  3. Talk to your mom and dad, or some other parent you admire, about parenthood.
  4. Be very, very patient, both with the baby and the mother. Those early months are very demanding and can be stressful. A good dad can relieve some of that stress.
  5. Read some of the “Girls Who Parented” stories in this section and see how becoming a mom inspired them to go to college and pursue their career goals. Being a parent can be highly motivating!
  6. As your child ages, you can begin to enjoy all the benefits of parenthood – the smiles, the fun, and the unconditional love. Studies have shown that a dad’s presence in a child’s life makes children more likely to achieve academically, have fewer behavior problems, and relate well with their peers and in social situations.
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