Becoming sexually active is not a door you need to go through to become an adult. It's not a "right of passage" to make you mature or a "real woman." And it's not something you just do "because everyone else is doing it," like getting your driver's license. It's a major step which has many responsibilities connected to it.

Which of these girls do you want to be right now - at this point in your life?

Tammy		Rebecca
Is happy, healthy, and feels good about herself.		Is worried and tense all the time and often feels depressed.
Has no fear. Her period comes right on time every month.		Is scared every time her period is late that she might be pregnant.
Knows that her boyfriend respects her and won't pressure her to have sex.		Wonders if her boyfriend really cares about her or is just there for the sex.
Is healthy and confident about her body and her own sexuality.		Worries about getting an STD and wonders how many partners her boyfriend had before her.
Has a close and honest relationship with her parents and family.		Feels terrible about the lies she tells her parents and the sneaking around she does.
Anticipates being married and she's not ready for having children.		Worries that a pregnancy might force her into a marriage or even an abortion one day.
Looks forward to going to college and achieving her career goals.		Feels like she's on shaky ground and worries about how she can continue handling everything and still make it in college.

When it comes to sex, there are standard "lines" that have been used successfully for years. If you don't want to fall for them, know what they are, recognize them for what they're meant to do, and learn some good comebacks.

"If you really loved me . . ."     "If you really loved me, you wouldn't ask. If you really care about somebody you don't pressure them to do something they don't want to do."

"Everybody's doing it."     "Everybody but me."

"Don't you love me?"     "I love you enough to say no."

"Come on, everybody's doing it."     "Then you shouldn't have any trouble finding somebody else."

"Don't you find me attractive?"     "I find you very attractive. I like you a lot. I don't want to wreck our relationship -- and that's what getting physical would do."

"I do it with all my girlfriends."     "Not this one. By the way, now I'm your ex-girlfriend."

"You mean you're still a virgin. Are you, frigid?"     "No, I'm smart."

"Don't you love me?"     "Don't you respect me?"

"OK, let's take off our clothes and just be together. We don't need to do anything."     "Do I look that stupid?"

"If you get pregnant, I'll marry you."     "Why wait. Let's get married now!"

"I'll stop whenever you say."     "How about right now?"

"I love you."     "Then please prove it by respecting my values."

"What are you waiting for?"     "My honeymoon!"

"Are you repressed or something?"     "No, I'm free from the pressure to have sex before I'm ready."

"Sex isn't a big deal."     "It's a big deal to me, and my future husband (wife).

Although girls can and sometimes do lead guys on, guys are more likely to use these lines to get sex. And, sadly, many a girl has fallen for them. A girl may find it hard to believe that a boy is lying when he says, seemingly with great sincerity, "I love you!"

If you're a girl, you need to know two things:
(1) If a boy puts any kind of pressure on you to go farther than you want to go, it shows he'll sacrifice your self-respect and physical safety for himself. He's interested only in getting what he wants.
(2) Many guys will lie through their teeth, say anything, and do whatever else they have to do to get sex. Here is one guy who openly admits this:

I learned to maneuver my opponent into a position where she couldn't say no. If I sensed there was a moral dilemma in her mind, I would play any role necessary to reach the point where sex became inevitable.

Remember, if you're dating someone that's pressuring you to have sex, you're dating the wrong person.

Secondary virginity is a decision to abstain from sexual activity, starting with today. It's an opportunity to start over. Your physical virginity may be lost, but virginity is more than just a physical state. It's an attitude, a frame of mind. It's manifested in the way you look at and value yourself and others.

Secondary virginity is a time to change habits and heal past wounds. It allows you to clean and renew yourself.

"I didn't like being used."

"We were so much into sex that we never became friends."

"Just because I made a mistake doesn't mean I have to keep on making the same mistakes."

"I'm going to wait because I have hurt a lot of people as well as myself and I want to change my life for the best, for me and for my future children."

Get away from people, places, things and situations that weaken your self-control. Sometimes the healthiest thing we can do is avoid people who tempt us and don't have our best interests at heart.

Avoid intense hugging, passionate kissing and anything else that leads to lustful thoughts and behavior.

Find non-physical ways to show your love and appreciation.

Remember that anyone can start over. Including you! When you focus on commitment and self-discipline, you can control your impulses.

Make a firm commitment to save yourself for marriage from now on, and believe you can do it. (Because you can!)